Car Ride From Hell

Satan's Locker -

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Satan's Locker Room;
My First Week of High School
By: Sir Robin

Well, I'm back... It's Saturday night, and I've finally gotten my thoughts in order about... Cuse me, Nature calls. Ahhhh, much better. Well, as I was sayin:
I've gotten me thoughts together about the past 4 days, and decided to write something about them...

Day 1 of 4 is detailed in "Death and Orange Slushies", so go read that if you have not already. Here's what happened during the first 3 full days, with notes at the end about specific things, and maybe other notes here and there.
keep em peeled. (Whas "em"?) I wake up, thankful that I had survived the first day, and prepared for my first full day... I get up, trip over the dog, etc, etc, and get another ridefrom Lurch to school. I get there...

And this is what happened in the classes, over the first three days, of what the really lame video "they" ("They" is the terroist group that is posing as the Principals) say will be "The best years of my life.. so far."
They've been the most... Interesting. To say the least.

There wil be notes spread throughout the file.

First Hour - Gym:
I learn that Mr. GrodZilla has an intense hatred of anything that exists, and doesn't care for hypothetical objects either. Mr. Horowitz likes to spill hiscoffee. Watching the Gym teacher an health teacher is like Laurel & Hardy live.... Except if you laugh, you get laps.

Second Hour - English 9:
I HATE THE SCHOOL'S ENGLISH PROGRAM. In order for you to take ANY english class
you must have a full year of English 9. This sucks, because I would like to
take Journalism 1, and 2, (Basically, in 1, you learn how to and then publish
one issue of the school paper, and in 2 you use your J1 experience to put out
the monthly paper) Creative Writing, and other nifty English classes, but NO,
I hafta take English 9. This is quite smelly (Ranking up there with The Gym
Locke Room (See the subheader "Locker room of Satan"), Something about George
Bush, and my socks) because, we do a lot of Grammar. I hate grammar. Now,
the writing part? Not a problem... We already had an essay, A+ right there,
but we are learning:
Note #1:
Verb Conjugation:
Basically, you take a verb, (Say, "Mutates") and put it in EVERY GODDAM USE
THERE IS. (I Mutate, I will Mutate, He Mutates, It Mutates, I have Mutated,
I shall have Mutated) And we get to all right it down. this takes many sheets
of paper, and hurts your hands. Badly.

Third Hour - Spanish 1:
Spanish is an OK class, as I do know a teeny bit of spanish, which helps...
There is a senoir and few juniors, and a bit of sophomores in my class, but
mostly freshman.. and it's mostly chaos.
The teacher is MUCH smaller than the average students, so she can't stop us
too much... so, you converse. You even get rewarded if you converse in Spanish.
The senior just sits there and laughs, he just wants the foreign language
credit for college, the junoirs bitch about the absence of air conditioning,
I cheerfully gutwrench the class talking about Bull-Fighting... while a
sophomore and I have this discussion, everybody listens:
Him: well, Bull fighting isn't that easy, I mean the bull gets a fair fight.
Me: Oh, yep, when six guys ride out in horses and throw big spears (Pickadores)
at Mr. Bull, which not only makes the bull mad, but stains the ground, makes a
big mess, and slows the bull down. Then the matador walks out with a big red
cape, and a surprise.
Him and another guy: Yeah, like bugs bunny, when he had the anvil behind the
cape.
Me: Not so. Granted, matadors sometimes get their respective insides gorged out
they usually win. Instead on an anvil, our pal Paco has a nifty sword, which
he happily deposits in the bulls head, making an even bigger mess, and
generally angering and displacing the bull.
Him: UuuuUUUUEGh.
I Couldn't Have said it better.
Between Third and Fourth Hour:

Lunch:
Well, Let's take a Music Break:
I doan mind, Stealin Bread,
From the mouths of decadence,
But I can't feed on the powerless,
when my cups already over filled,
But it's on the table,
the fire's cooking,
and their farmer's babies,
Whiles the slaves are all working,
The blood is on the table,
And their mouths are chokin,
But I'm growing hungry,
<Repeat>
I'm Growing Hungry,
<Repeat, repeat, repeat, repeat squared, repeat to the tenth power....>
Thankyou.
Anyhow, Lunch is a strange period, when you can A> Leave, and myabe come back.
B> Go anywhere in the school, C> Get lost easy, D> Find your locker, E>
go to the air conditioned office and relax, or G> actually eat lunch.
Most students, surprisingly, opt for G. Lunch is a great part of the day,
as you can talk with a person with whom you have no classes with, buy candies
for the rest of the day, and generally eat your lunch.

4th Hour -ISS
Well, a nice class, relaxing, especially after lucnh, when all you want to do
is digest... but don't you THINK or even mentally suggest even entertaining
a thought of eating ANYTHING in class... the teacher will leap at you, with
a lot of ferocity, and stab you with an imaginary knife, then leap back, and
admire your horrified face as you nearly choke to death on a sweet tart and
then quickly deposit your candies in you bag... The teacher knows just what to
assign... Essays and writing projects. My specialty.

5th Hour - Algebra
I can't beleive I asked for this class. Granted I will not drop out of the
class and take Fundamental Math, becuase then I'd hafta take Algebra next
year... We get a nifty amount of homework (30-45 problems) a day, but they're
tedious... at least you can get em done while the Sophomores who are taking
this class even though they can barely read, disrupt the class by doing this:
Lisa: Um, Like, Mrs. Nelllllllllson. Oh, Hi Lindsey <Wave at girl across the
room>
Ms. Nelson: Yes Lisa?
Lisa: Well, hold on Lindsey, well, I don't understand number one.
Mrs. Nelson: Lisa, I just explained that to Brian and then to Greg, were you
listening?
Lisa: No. So, Lindsey,
<At this point Mrs. Nelson grabs an eraser, and beats Lisa to death with it.
Lisa is chatting with Lindsey up to the end>

6th Hour - Science
Mr. Fultz is the Science teacher. He loves Science. No, I mean he LOVES Science
.... I've never seen a man so obsessed with science. He is amazingly happy
about teaching you how earthquakes manage to kill lots and lots of people and
happy to recite tons of notes, often making mistakes and correcting them -
after you've written them down. When you screw around, he gets mad. Ben is his
least favorite student. there is a chart in theback of the room. Benis in the
front row. He stares at the chart until Mr. Fultz resorts to screaming in his
ear. He complains that he was reading it, and then turns around and stares
again.
Mr. Fultz is building an arsenal, with hopes of destroying Ben.
He also doesn't take kindly to nodding off, either. A scene:
I start thinking of the Metallica song, "Fade to Black" as I fade to black,
almost asleep, but listening to the lecture. Mr. Fultz sees the student body
dozing, and gets an idea.
"Tidal waves are caused when the ocen floor rises up and slams down, like
... THIS!" He grabs a table, lifts it a bit, then drops it, LOUDLY, to the
floor. Ben Complains about Mr. Fultz waking him up. mr. Fultz retreats to his
arsenal stockade. I duck down.
Note 2: Satan's Locker Room
On the third day, the great god GrodZilla of the stingy underwear sent the
brave freshman into the locker room. before they ventured, they were given a
lock. No lie here. The lock, in order to open, must be turned right, then
right, then left, and then hit twice, and then yanked three times to open.
This is a very silly action, yet it is necessary.
The Locker room smells of human feces. It has not been cleaned since the Carter
adminsitration, and since our wonderful half-brained Governor, Engler the
utter idiot, also known as "How did he get elected Man", deicded to cut
budgets. This was fun, as now, the janitors are not getting PAID enough to
venture into the locker room.
Of course, there are 27 thousand lockers in the locker room, all named 23A.
Your locker is 33A.
It goes downhill from there.
Note 3: Getting a ride:
Well, for the first 3 days, I got a ride from Lurch, but on the 4th day, I
got a ride from Rook. It was nearly a car ride to hell part 3. Parts 1 and
2 will be detailed when I get around to typing them up. 5 people, 5 bookbags,
one Mustang, with no room in the trunk. It was a psychologically damaging
experience. <G>. I also got to walk home in the afternoon, which was fun,
except for:
Note 4: Hit and Run may be Fun:
There is an invisible sensor on freshman that beacons "I am a freshman. I will
not be missed by family. You will be rewarded by "Them" if you eliminate me.
Hit the gas. Have fun."
This causes the drivers to speed up, and run red lights, for the sole purpose
of spreadiung your insides all around the intersection in a colorful, yet
abstract manner.
This poses a problem corssing the street, also.
There is one option.
Run.
Fast.
REAL fast.
If you can't run fast, shove somebody ahead of you. it slows them down when
they hit someone, you can scoot by.
Trust me.