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The Car Ride To Hell - Parts
1 - 4:
By: Sir
Robin
Well, I'm back.... Again.
Today I'd like to talk to
you about cars. Cars and I have never had a fun
relationship, and as a matter
of fact, on four seperate occasions, have produced
some very strange situations,
indeed. On to the Shows:
It all started with a
BBS party. Rook was to drive us, (He had gotten his
driver's liscense eariler
that SAME DAY) to the party... and the host <Zee>
had asked him, SARCASTICALLY,
that he could use another 32 inch TV. Rook,
or course, borrowed his
Dad's 32 incher, and found out that it couldn't fit in
the back. No matter what.
so, he puts it in the back seat.
Great.
Guess who got the other
Back seat?
Well, We all get going, it
was a cold winter night, and slippery, and Rook was
having fun almsot getting
us killed..
"No Cop no Stop!"
"No stop no life! HIT THE BRAKE! AAAAAUUGH!"
Well, Rook and Quasar <Map
men supreme> promptly got us lost. We found out
where we were supposed to
go, and it was the other direction. So, Rook pulls
into a driveway, and does
a donut to turn us around.
We were turning, and then it happened.
Time stopped, and then started
very slowly. The TV, next to me on the seat,
swayed a little. My eyes
widened. Rook turned a little harder, and it started
falling.....
"AHHHHHHHHHH AHHH AHHH AHHHHHHHHHH!!!"
"What does the Little One want this time?"
"THE TV YOU BOWB! AHHH AHHH AHHH!"
"Ohmygod! Sorry! ahahahahahaah Maybe we should get the TV off of him..."
"I'M DYING! ARGH....."
And, the party was nifty,
and Rook got to drive Lankhmar and Astron (Now
Hannibal Lekter, as I was
Darkman back then) home. This was evil. I had
to get in the hatch. Yow.
Go outside and find an 92 mustang. look at the back.
see that hatch? give yourself...
2-3 feet cube of room, with Lankhmar at your
left and a tv at your back.
"Okay, everybody comfy?"
"FUCK YOU."
"Here goes the Hatch"
Whisssssssthunk.
"AHHH! AHHH! AHHH! AHHH! AHH! AHHH!"
"NOW WHAT?"
"The hatch hit him on the head."
"Oh. Sorry."
That was TRUE... And Emotionally damaging.
Which Brings us To:
Once again, I get suckered
into riding the hatch to the Rocky Horror Picture
Show at Fairlane mall. This
was not fun, and I was again in the back. No
TV this time, though. The
hatch once again hit me on the head, and I swear to
God I have no idea of the
time between the hit on my head at the time we
got out of the car at Fairlane
Mall.
A bunch of BBS people were
at the Rocky Horror Show that night.. Air, Shadow,
Myself, Quasar, Rook, The
Z, etc, etc, etc... and it was nifty do...
After the show, he stood
outside talking, the lot of us, and the Mall
Rent-a-Cop told us to "Disperse.
We don't want any trouble."... 14-20 People
against 1 Security guard.
Unloaded gun, nonetheless. and, Shadow had some
surprises (We'll get to
that later). Right. Mr. Magoo would've killed us.
We dispersed anyhow, plannign
to go to Ram's Horn to talk S'more. We got
there, and many people were
doing sugar and cream shots, and slugging
tabasco sauce. I sat next
to Shadow.... and start fidgeting.
I find that I'd left a small
swiss army knife in my pocket, and i say
to Shadow, "oh, Why is this
here? The Waiter-guy might not like it."
Shadow says "Aw, thats nothing.
This is better." He pulls out a nifty, long
bladed lock blade knife.
"Uh, Dude, best put that
away. The guys Will NOT appreciate it."
"The won't like this either."
He proceeds to pull out a butterfly knife.
Of course, my desired reception..
"WAITER!"
This was very recently,
as Lurch and Quasar, and Pitstop and I were all going
to school.. Lurch was driving.
Lurch, (Henceforth known as, "Idiot") had put
his books on my seat, as
I go to get in the car in my driveway. As I start
putting the books on the
floor, Idiot starts backing up.
Here I am, half in, half
out of the car, a Maxima, which is backing down the
drive way. I am screaming
like a banshee to Idiot "AHHH AHHH STOP STOP IDIOT!"
I came very near to getting
killed. Idiot "Lurches" the car to a stop, and I
smash my knee against the
open door. Yow.
After school, we were driving
home, and-
Well, there are 2 exit out
of North Farmington High School. One is a
2 lane road, that twists
and turns, and lets out to 13 mile road. Some bowbs
in a Jeep decided they didn't
want to wait 5 minutes, and started driving
on the grass.
They didn't see the log.
The School had put a big,
tall log off the side of the road, lengthwise,
to prevent bowbs from driving
the grass. Jeeps are high up, so instead of
slamming into the log, the
jeep got stuck on a raised part of the log near the
end of it. Stuck. Hard.
I never knew how they got the Jeep out... but it was gone the next day....
And, finally,
I Trulyforget what Quasar,
Lurch, Rook and I were doing, and which car we
were in. All i Remember
was that we were on the freeway. Maybe it was a
Spamming run... yeah, that
was it. Lurch was driving. We got lost.
We went the wrong way, and found the Ambassador Bridge. Ooops.
Baiscally, all we could say was "The AmbassFuckingdoor FuckingBridge. Goddam."
On the way back, Rook and
I were in the back seat, watching traffic. We had
consumed each a 20oz. Bottle
of Dew, and were nice n happy. I had some reces
peices.
"Gimme The Effin Reces."
"Fuckyou. Goway."
"I want reces."
"Shaddap, you bowb!"
"If I don't get reces, I'll hiut that cop!"
"What Cop?"
"Just Kiddin!"
"Oh."
It went like that... he were
arguing... then I saw this little 8 year old
looking at us from the back
of his parents car. He was staring. I hate staring.
So, Rook and I got together
and made a plan. A minute later, we combined
acting talents in a quick,
silent secne.
Rook and I started Silently
arguing up a storm. I Fake-Like hit him. He fake
like hit me. He motioned
like he had a knife, and stabbed me (From the kiddie's
view, the knife owuld not
have been shown). I slumped down.. Rook started
Silently laughing, then
started staring at the kiddie and smiling.
The kid's eyes widened, and he ducked down.... VERY funny...
Well, there will be more Car Rides to Hell in the future, no doubt.
<Sir Robin>
"AHH! AHH! AHH!